Crash and Burn by Snyder J.M

Author:Snyder, J.M. [Snyder, J.M.]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: JMS Books LLC
Published: 2012-08-21T22:00:00+00:00

After a while I think he’s stopped taking the pills. Or they aren’t working anymore, because he can’t wake up in the mornings and he stops laughing so much. He’s back to looking tired all the time, even though I know he’s getting enough sleep—every night he lies beside me, his breathing deep and even, while I hold him in my arms, and I feel him watching me long after I’ve fallen asleep. But by morning we’ve drifted apart and he’s anchored to the other side of the bed, held down by blankets twisted around his legs and bunching between us in the middle of the bed.

I get up first and let him sleep—he looks so worn out, like he’s been fighting all night long and finally dropped off a few hours before I wake, and I don’t want to bother him. When he sleeps is the only time his face is smooth anymore, and I’d let him sleep for weeks if I thought it would help any.

I shower and brush my teeth, listening through the half-open bathroom door to see if the running water wakes him up, but it never does. When he gets back on the evening shift, I find the rest of his pills.

I’m not snooping. I don’t snoop. I’m out of toothpaste and Aaron got home from work less than an hour ago. His bathroom bag sits right on the edge of the sink where he left it. All I have to do is open the bag and borrow his toothpaste—I’ve done it a million times before.

But I don’t want to. I’m afraid of what I’ll find. I look at the bag with a wary expression, like it’s a snake rearing to strike, and I hold my toothbrush in front of me to ward off the attack. What are you waiting for?

From the bedroom I hear him sigh in sleep. Quietly I close the bathroom door. When it latches shut, I set down the toothbrush and unzip his bag, my heart thudding so loudly, it’s the only thing I hear in the tiny bathroom. Any minute I expect him to wake up and knock on the door.

He doesn’t. Of course not—he spent the last eight hours at work. He got home an hour before my alarm went off and is out like a light. He won’t wake before noon, if then. Just get the toothpaste and close the bag. Where’s the harm in that?

The toothpaste is right on top. I snatch it up and start to zip the bag—I’m not going to look, I’m not, I tell myself I won’t, it’s none of my damn business—when I see that bottle again. It’s shoved down into the bag at an angle and I can read half the label. Only instead of three times a day, like it said previously, this time it reads, once at night.

What the fuck? When did he switch pills?

I pull out the bottle and this isn’t Effexor, it’s Sonata. What’s that for? Is he no longer taking the other stuff?

No, there’s the Effexor, down in the bottom of the bag.

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